All I can do is keep breathing.
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16/03/09

God, I'm fucking sick. There's nothing more addictive than a wound self-inflicted. That's it. Yes, I admit, I've been cutting myself for 4 or 5 years now. Long time. The outside is always healed by time. Wounds become scars. These scars are forever. And the inside? I don't know. I've tried to hide from myself for a few months. It worked. but only a few months. the disturbed me has found me. And suddenly there was that fuckin' razorblade and a lot of blood. Yeah, I know, I did a great job. Funny.I am nothing to everyone, something to no one. Standing there, looking in the mirror, practicing my fake smile. how ugly I am. What struggle this has been. not thinking about hurting myself. fuckin' hard. Well I tried to forget everything, tried to forgive. didn't know how to do that.it's always me. I'm the one to blame. first I was sad. Then I felt empty, numb. Now I'm goddamn ANGRY. I hate myself to death. you're right, it's not your problem. the cuts were so deep. didn't hurt. maybe it did. I felt nothing. Sooo, let's sum up. You'll see : there's no reason for me to stop destroying myself. cause noone cares. have been walking through these fuckin streets for years now. no place for me to call my home. I know what you think. You've never been through this. you're all somebodies, I'm a nobody.
19.3.09 18:45
 


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