All I can do is keep breathing.


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Oh my, it feels like my heart stopped beating. Please help me, take this all away. I'm done. I forget to dream in color. Great, I'm addicted to anything that destroys me. alcohol, cigarettes,cutting. sweet and divine, razor of mine. Feel ugly, wanna be called "pretty". day after day, cuttin' away. yes, all these bands write songs about cutting. do they know how it feels like? I need this. Can't stop it. No chance for me to win this fight. Such a shame to see these scars. except for a small few bruises, scars and cuts I'M FINE!!!!!
19.3.09 18:55



Sun is shining. blue sky. and I'm sitting here. how I hate being alone. (....edited) (..) I just wanna be far away from here. leaving this shit behind. somehwere. where i can be free. free from pain, tears and telling lies. lies like " I'm fine". I'm not. I do not belong here. it's always funny to see how many people like me. the fake me. they don't know me for real. --------lost and insecure---------- where are you? you don't want to find me , I guess.Wish I could disappear. to a better place. guess you're all outside now, with friends, having fun or anything. i'm not. no one asked me. no one to ask. Maybe in the end everyone ends up alone. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I'm sick of it. fat, ugly, disturbed me. still waiting, searching for nothing. sometimes I wonder if there's anyone thinking of me. guess not. I wanna be a hero. Wanna be somebody. I wanna be the best, the greatest to anyone out there. I'll give my heart, my trust, my life. I'll do anything. I wanna be important. Why am I still here? Fuck it. I'm sick and tired.
19.3.09 18:52


God, I'm fucking sick. There's nothing more addictive than a wound self-inflicted. That's it. Yes, I admit, I've been cutting myself for 4 or 5 years now. Long time. The outside is always healed by time. Wounds become scars. These scars are forever. And the inside? I don't know. I've tried to hide from myself for a few months. It worked. but only a few months. the disturbed me has found me. And suddenly there was that fuckin' razorblade and a lot of blood. Yeah, I know, I did a great job. Funny.I am nothing to everyone, something to no one. Standing there, looking in the mirror, practicing my fake smile. how ugly I am. What struggle this has been. not thinking about hurting myself. fuckin' hard. Well I tried to forget everything, tried to forgive. didn't know how to do's always me. I'm the one to blame. first I was sad. Then I felt empty, numb. Now I'm goddamn ANGRY. I hate myself to death. you're right, it's not your problem. the cuts were so deep. didn't hurt. maybe it did. I felt nothing. Sooo, let's sum up. You'll see : there's no reason for me to stop destroying myself. cause noone cares. have been walking through these fuckin streets for years now. no place for me to call my home. I know what you think. You've never been through this. you're all somebodies, I'm a nobody.
19.3.09 18:45

15/03/09 (edited version)

Yeah, I've cutted myself. and it felt good. I feel free, at least for a moment. I'm a nobody. wanna be somebody. Know now, I'm forever d i r t. Silence is killing me. no one around. alone. like always. I'm a zombie, a monster. Blood makes me feel alive. I'm still alive, I'm here. DISTURBED ME! The goddamn piece of shit. Blood on my skin. Cutting myself is the only thing I can call "mine" . Nobody can take it from me. I'm shaking. The disturbed me is shaking. Hell yes, I KNOW I'm not good-looking. The scars won't make it worse. So what? They'll give a fuck.
19.3.09 18:37


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